Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Book Review

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Book Review

This book looks at the long-term effects of having emotionally immature or distant parents. The book is just under 200 pages. At first glance I thought it'd be a quick read. Though the information was easy to understand, I found myself re-reading paragraphs or stopping to think about and process the concepts discussed. It's not long, but it is concise and packed with information.

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Myths about Infidelity

Myths about Infidelity

In this post we’re exploring myths about infidelity. Many of these myths stem from black-and-white thinking. We often like the certainty that this kind of thinking gives us. This is good and that’s bad. It’s cut and dried. The problem is that humans and human relationships are messy and complex. When we ignore this fact, we can get stuck feeling we have few options and being unable to make sense of our lives. Black and white, good or bad, this or that doesn’t work when we’re talking about marriages and people. Let’s look at some of those myths now.

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Why try marriage counseling?

Why try marriage counseling?

I’m writing this post because it’s a commonly searched question. I suspect it may be coming from a place of desperation or confusion. Why should we try this? Will it even help us? We’re going to invest our time and money, will it be worth it?Thinking about the couples I’ve worked with over the years, I came up with a quick list of reasons to answer that question: Why try marriage counseling?

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Double standards and Double binds: how gender stereotypes hurt our relationships

Double standards and Double binds: how gender stereotypes hurt our relationships

In this post I’m going to ask you to question some of your assumptions about men and women. I’ll confess that my ears perk up and I become skeptical whenever I hear someone tell me something like “you know how women are” or “he’s just a typical man.” These often set up unfair double standards and impossible double binds. I'll share a few reasons I think these types of statements are problematic.

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I love you: Say the things that go without saying

I love you: Say the things that go without saying

People love knowing they are appreciated. Some people may not like hearing the actual words too much, and if your spouse is one of these people, you probably know it already. The point I’m making here is not so much about saying the words as it is about communicating the feeling. Anytime I suggest you say something feel free to substitute in your mind a way you know your spouse likes to receive love and appreciation.

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Perpetual Problems: accommodating your partner's dreams

Perpetual Problems: accommodating your partner's dreams

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.

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Solving problems in your marriage: Compromise

Solving problems in your marriage: Compromise

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some can be worked through using compromise, and some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.

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Bringing up complaints in your relationship: When less is more

Bringing up complaints in your relationship: When less is more

In the exciting, falling in love stage of our relationships, what we want to change in our partners is often furthest from our minds. We’ve got stars in our eyes, we’re wearing rose colored glasses, we’re in the honeymoon stage—pick whichever metaphor works for you. It’s wonderful and fun; I don’t mean to dismiss that. However, the reality of being two complex, dynamic individuals in an intimate relationship with each other over an extended period of time brings conflict. It just does. These conflicts might be personality differences, cultural differences, differences of opinion, habit, or tradition. In very simple terms, you might make a request for change, something along the lines of “this thing isn’t working for me, can we talk about changing it?” This post is about how you bring up complaints in your relationship. Spoiler alert! Less is more.

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Repair attempts: How to preserve your relationship during conflict

Repair attempts: How to preserve your relationship during conflict

Conflict happens. It just does. You and your spouse are not always going to see a situation the same way, you may have different opinions, preferences, and values. And so, you will disagree. It is not realistic to expect that you will never experience conflict or disagreement. Today, I’m talking about repair attempts, a secret weapon to preserve your relationship during conflict.

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How to bring up marriage problems: Changing criticism to complaint

How to bring up marriage problems: Changing criticism to complaint

You have conflict with your spouse. Okay, that happens. I'm here to help you know how to you bring up marriage problems in a way that gets you listened to and not dismissed. You may have very good points or legitimate concerns but the way you talk about them with your partner sets you up to not be heard or to be easily dismissed.

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The Marriage Counseling Relationship Checkup

The Marriage Counseling Relationship Checkup

Problems have been building in your marriage for a while. You try talking about it and end up fighting. You try again and end up fighting. Maybe you try to change and you try to ask for change, and you’re both still fighting and miserable. So, you gather up your courage and decide to try marriage counseling. You might hope that if you can just get in there for one session the therapist is going to convince your spouse that you have been right all along and amazing changes happen overnight. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that’s not how these things work. You need a relationship checkup.

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How to offer support through a crisis of faith? Turn up the volume on love

How to offer support through a crisis of faith? Turn up the volume on love

The experience of an individual going through a crisis of faith can send ripples through the family and friend groups connected to that person. People might be shocked to hear someone lost their faith or is choosing to step away from their faith tradition. The person may make an open declaration and want to explain their story, or they may quietly step back and leave others guessing.

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How to love an imperfect partner, or the romance in settling

How to love an imperfect partner, or the romance in settling

Let me set the scene for you:

I’ve got a couple* sitting on my couch. I like each one of them very much. I’ve spent a few sessions getting to know them and their relationship. They’ve told me about their complaints, their dissatisfaction, their deep disappointment that their partner has changed or isn’t the person they thought they married. One of them is considering divorce. The other doesn’t want divorce but also doesn’t want to keep going on with these fights and this distance between them.

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What will marriage counseling be like?

What will marriage counseling be like?

If you’ve never done marriage counseling before--or even if you have--you might be wondering, 'What will marriage counseling be like?' Marriage counseling is more than just telling your problems to someone or having a third party to referee your fights. Each therapist might have a slightly different approach and that approach may change a little depending on the needs and personality of the couple sitting in front of them. In this article, I will explain what marriage counseling will be like with me, Rebecca Williams. At the end, I’ll give some thoughts on what to look for or expect if you’re considering doing marriage counseling with someone else.

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How to choose the right marriage counselor for you: 3 things to consider

How to choose the right marriage counselor for you: 3 things to consider

In this article we'll talk about how to choose the right marriage counselor for you. You’ve decided you want marriage counseling. That’s a big decision! Now that you know you want to go, which therapist do you go to? Aren’t they all kind of the same? Does it really matter who you go to? Yes! Yes, it matters. And no, not all therapists or even all marriage therapists are the same. Here are 3 things to consider when choosing the right therapist for you.

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When to seek marriage counseling

When to seek marriage counseling

There’s growing distance between you and your partner, you’re fighting, it’s not getting better. Divorce has crossed your mind, but you aren’t ready to take that step. “Do we need marriage counseling? Can’t we just handle this on our own?” you wonder. “Is it really that bad? Will marriage counseling even work?” Deciding when to seek marriage counseling is a big decision. In this post, we’ll talk about how you know you need it. Here are 3 ways to know:

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