3 Reasons It’s Time to Go to Couples Therapy in Temecula, Ca and Riverside, Ca
There’s growing distance between you and your partner, you’re fighting, it’s not getting better. Divorce has crossed your mind, but you aren’t ready to take that step. “Do we need marriage counseling? Can’t we just handle this on our own?” you wonder. “Is it really that bad? Will marriage counseling even work?” Deciding when to seek marriage counseling is a big decision. In this post, we’ll talk about how you know you need it. Here are 3 ways to know:
1 - You are thinking about couples therapy in Riverside, Ca and Murrieta, Ca
Research shows that on average couples wait 6 years after the start of problems in their marriage to seek marriage counseling. Six years is a long time for discouragement and resentment and sadness to build. Six years is a long time to live with growing distance from your spouse. I believe that the fact that you have to decide together to come to marriage counseling is part of what makes this average time so long. If you were having an easy time making decisions together and seeing and valuing each other's opinions, you might not think you need marriage counseling to begin with!
How do we know if our problems are serious enough for marriage counseling?
The acknowledgement that something might be amiss is the first step. If the thought of couples therapy crosses your mind, it’s worth exploring. Recognizing the need for external support is a crucial indicator that the problems are significant enough for professional intervention.
2 - Your problem solving strategies aren’t working
All couples have patterns they fall into in how they interact and problem solve. Maybe it’s your norm to talk openly and heatedly about your disagreements or maybe you both go silent for a while. You might be a couple who is able to reconnect and feel close again after a few minutes and maybe it’s your pattern to stay mad at each other for hours or days. Maybe you repair the rift through laughter or sincere apologies and maybe you repair through gifts or sex. Whatever your pattern, if it’s working for both of you, you’re good!
If what you’ve used in the past to resolve conflicts in your relationship is no longer working, it might be a good idea to seek marriage counseling. If you find yourself facing something big, something life-changing and you don’t know how to handle it, marriage counseling can help. It may not be that your previous problem solving strategies aren’t working, the situation you’re facing may be so big or so different that you don’t have any strategies for it at all. You really don’t know what to do. A marriage therapist can help.
Is it too early or too late to seek marriage counseling?
Timing is subjective! If your usual approaches to problem-solving are faltering, it’s not too early to consider professional help. In fact, waiting might only allow the issues to deepen, making it more challenging to navigate later on.
3 - Your relationship is being overwhelmed by negativity
Relationship expert John Gottman found that stable relationships have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict. That’s five positive statements or actions for every one negative! You might read that and think, “Oh! I can increase the positive! There are lots of things I love about my spouse, I need to tell her/him what those things are more frequently.” If this is you, you’re in great shape!
You might read about a healthy relationship needing more positive than negative interactions and think, “Tell me something I don’t know! All the negativity is why I’m on the internet reading a therapist blog about when to seek marriage counseling! We’re so deep in all this negative I don’t even know where to start to find the way out!” If this is you, we need to talk!
How do we approach the idea of marriage counseling with our partner?
Approaching the idea of counseling requires delicate communication. Start by expressing your own concerns and the desire to enhance the relationship together. Emphasize that counseling is not a sign of failure but a proactive step towards a happier and healthier partnership.
Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California
At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.
