You did it, you’re here. You searched “family therapy” (or counseling), and it led you here. You might be hoping to get some information about the process and feel encouraged that you aren’t alone.

Choosing a therapist to work with your family can be overwhelming, and you and other members may feel a range of emotions, from curious to hesitant or even a bit fearful of what the process entails.

You know you want everyone to feel safe to be vulnerable and have the difficult conversations, but you also know you need help in creating changes that last. No one is born with or handed a manual at birth that helps us navigate difficult topics. Everyone has to learn to do things differently, or risk continued distance, anger, and disappointment.

Think of this post as your guide for what to ask during your consultations with a family therapist, so that you feel confident and comfortable moving forward.

Communication is important when choosing the best therapist for your family, and you should remember that you are absolutely allowed to ask questions, like what to expect during your first session – and whether the therapist feels qualified to help your family and your unique relationship dynamics.

6 Questions to Ask During Family Counseling Consultations

Here are some great questions to ask during a consultation that will help you choose the best family therapist for your needs.

Q: What Approaches Do You Use in Family Therapy?

A qualified therapist will take the time to get to know what your concerns are. They should talk about how they will work with your family and what approach they use, and how they may (or may not) help you and your family.

For example, one popular form of therapy involves the family systems approach. With this, the therapist identifies what the individuals within the family system experience and how each member responds to the behaviors of others. It’s not about which person is at fault, it’s how understanding how you all interact with and influence each other. Not all therapists are trained in family systems approach, so it’s important to know you’re working with a marriage and family therapist or another professional who has done training in family therapy techniques.

There are many healthy ways to navigate differing beliefs and values. Additionally, the family systems approach helps to identify how the family functions as a unit, and where avoidance of one problem or over-fixating on other problems might be happening.

Q: Have You Worked with Clients Who Have Anxiety and/or Trauma?

Anxiety and trauma are very common in all types of therapy scenarios, including family therapy. Many family therapists would say that most of their clients have some level of anxiety or trauma, either presently or from a past event. Like all diagnoses, trauma and anxiety exist on a spectrum.

A qualified family therapist will help you understand that what one person may consider traumatic may not be traumatic for someone else. This is actually seen quite frequently in adult children who grew up in the same home but report different experiences or issues as a result of their upbringing.

When it comes to what is traumatic or not, it’s important to follow the client’s lead and believe their experience.

Q: How Do You Track Progress?

This is an important question to ask a potential family therapist because you want to know how milestones will be measured in your therapy sessions. You don’t want to come to session and just endlessly talk about problems or complain about each other. And you want to know that when progress hasn’t been made your therapist is tracking that and will change course to help you. You also want to know that your therapist has an idea of how to help families make change and will tell you when you’re done and don’t need sessions anymore

For example, at Inland Empire Couples Counseling, we like to track progress in every session. We ask you what you’re learning, what’s changing at home, and what you’re liking and not liking about your sessions so we can ensure we are meeting your needs. We’re also tracking progress through our own observations. It’s important to pay attention to the nonverbals in real time and to address strong reactions and shut-downs in the moment so you can stay in healthy connection with each other. When a family therapist does this, it helps the entire family feel confident that everyone is being advocated for.

Q: What Is Your Cancellation/Rescheduling Policy?

So, what happens if you can’t make your appointment or need to reschedule?

All family counseling practices have their own policies on this, but in general, you’ll find that many practices offer no-charge cancellations as long as it’s within a 24-hour window of your scheduled appointment.

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling, we follow this 24-hour policy. We completely understand that life happens, and we value communication when extenuating circumstances occur.

In general, you’re likely to find that the full rate of the session will be charged if it’s outside of the 24-hour appointment window. This is to encourage clients to keep their appointments and allows therapists to provide necessary services to as many people in need as possible.

Q: Do You Offer Virtual Visits?

There might be times when one or more members can’t make it to a scheduled appointment, or simply prefer not to do therapy in person. If this sounds like you, or someone in your family, it’s important to know upfront what the therapist’s policy is regarding virtual visits.

While virtual visits can work effectively for individual therapy, it’s often the case that the dynamics of family therapy are more complex, and it’s recommended that therapy sessions be in person when younger kids are involved. We can successfully do family counseling sessions with older family members virtually.

Q: How Do You Know When Therapy Is Working?

Therapy takes commitment from everyone involved, and it’s important to understand going in that it’s not a magic solution that will produce results overnight. Each family is different, and a therapist can’t guarantee that you’ll see the changes you want within the frame you would like.

A qualified family therapist shouldn’t make promises of how long it will take, but rather stress that how effectively therapy works is highly dependent on your commitment to implementing changes outside of the sessions, working on skills with your family, and focusing on what you need to change rather than what the family needs to be doing differently.

What to Listen for In Their Answers

As you meet with a therapist for a consultation, look for the following to help you in your decision in choosing a therapist:

Tone of the therapist
Do they provide answers to your questions?
How are you feeling throughout the conversation?

When a therapist has a consultation, they should openly encourage you to ask any questions that will help you determine if they are a good fit. You should also get some sort of insight into their personality and what therapies entail. A therapist should also be willing to go over all of this during your first family therapy session when all members are present.

I hope this post helps you with the confidence to reach out and find the family therapist who will work best with your family. It’s great to have your questions (and the questions from your kids and partner) written down in advance.

Author Bio

*Alexis Johnson, LMFT*, is a dedicated and creative couples and family therapist in Riverside, CA, who helps partners and families heal old hurts, strengthen connections, and navigate the complex dynamics that shape their relationships. With experience working with individuals, teens, families, and couples, she meets clients exactly where they are and empowers them to create meaningful, lasting change.

*Alexis earned her Master’s in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University and is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California.*

Outside the therapy room, she enjoys slow mornings, good books, time with friends, and the same personal growth practices she encourages in her clients—because she believes deeply in practicing what she teaches.

Questions to Ask a Family Counselor in California Before Your First Session