Discernment Counseling in Riverside CA
Help for troubled relationships
Is it normal to feel unsure about wanting to stay married?
Yes! Everyone feels this way sometimes.
And when you feel this way more often than not, you need to pay attention. If you are struggling to make a decision about your relationship—feeling torn and confused—we’re here to help.
We help couples in the Riverside CA area who are considering ending their relationship make decisions with clarity and confidence.
Wondering if your relationship is really over?
We know these situations are complicated. You love your partner, or at least parts of them. You’ve put so much time and energy into this already. You’ve shared a lot of life together. You are each other’s friends and family. You are each other’s emergency contact, next of kin, roommate, and lover. You share bills and a place to live and maybe even kids and pets. You’ve dreamed of all that you will do together in the future. And now you’re not sure you can have that future you dreamed of. You’re not sure you even want it anymore.
The conflict in the relationship is too much. The disconnection too profound. You feel increasingly hopeless about your future together. Part of you wants to just run away and start over. But it’s just not that easy! There are things you would miss. You want to know that you did everything you could to fix this relationship before you give up. And you certainly don’t want to leave this relationship and start a new one only to find you have all the same problems with another partner because part of the problem is you! But you also know the problems in this relationship aren’t all you.
Are your expectations too high? Should you just accept that this relationship has some good and learn to be happy with it? Should you fight harder to change things, putting in a heroic effort to turn things around? Or should you stop beating a dead horse and just end it already? You swirl and swirl in the questions, sometimes changing your mind every day or multiple time each day. You’ve thought about inviting your partner to couples counseling but you also aren’t sure that’s the right thing because you’re on the fence about whether you want this relationship in the first place! You would love to have someone help you decide what to do.
My partner wants a divorce and I don’t. What do I do?
At Inland Empire Couples Counseling, we understand the importance of CLARITY and CONFIDENCE in decision making when it comes to the future of your relationship. That's why we offer Discernment Counseling sessions to help couples on the brink. We will support you to confidently choose whether to end your relationship, leave things as they are, or enter couples therapy to work on the problems in the relationship. We can’t tell you what to do, but we will help you make the decision that’s best for you. You can move forward knowing you’ve carefully considered your options and made the decision that fits you, your life, your values, and your hopes for the future.
What is Discernment Counseling? For when one of you wants to leave and the other wants to stay
Discernment Counseling (developed by Bill Doherty) is a unique approach to counseling that can last between 1-5 sessions with each partner committing to only one session at a time. It's different from traditional marriage counseling as it helps couples arrive at a greater clarity and confidence in their decision making about the future of their relationship based on a deeper understanding of the problems in the relationship and each person’s contributions to them. In discernment counseling, we discuss the paths that are before every couple on the brink of divorce or separation:
Path 1: The status quo, where your relationship continues as it is.
Path 2: Represents the separation or divorce path.
Path 3: Is the possible reconciliation path in which the couple agrees to take divorce off the table for a 6-month period of couples therapy. Each partner commits to work on themselves and the relationship to determine whether they can get the relationship to a healthier place.
The first Discernment Counseling session is a two-hour appointment, giving you time to talk together about what’s not working in the relationship and one-on-one time with the therapist.
Paths to consider
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Relationship continues as is
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Separation or divorce path
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Reconciliation during therapy
Discernment counseling is different from typical marriage counseling
The format of sessions consists of meeting as a couple and having some time dedicated to one on one work with the therapist. The goal is not to solve your problems but to help you decide whether to try to solve your problems or choose a different path.
It’s not about immediate change in your relationship but seeing what changes each of you might need to make in the future if you decide to work on yourselves and your relationship. Entering couples therapy when one of you isn’t sure about your commitment to the relationship actually makes couples therapy harder. A few Discernment Counseling sessions to help you feel confident about your choice to work on the relationship can make all the difference in whether you are successful in couples therapy.
How is Discernment Counseling Different from Couples Therapy in Riverside CA?
Discernment Counseling
Short term: 1-5 sessions booked one at a time
Focus: Clarity and confidence in decision making
Focus: Individual contributions to relationship problems, willingness to work on problems
Presumption: You aren’t on the same page about the future of the relationship
Expected changes: Clarity, insight into problems, willingness to work on the relationship or acceptance that it’s ending
Couples Therapy
Longer term: 4-6 month commitment of weekly sessions
Focus: Relationship improvement
Focus: Relationship dynamics, active work on changing patterns and fixing problems
Presumption: both people want to work on the relationship and want to stay together
Expected changes: Better communication and connection, deeper more satisfying relationship
Discernment Counseling in Riverside might be right for you if . . .
One of you is considering divorce and the other wants to work on the relationship
You’ve tried couples therapy before and it didn’t work because you weren’t both committed to working on the relationship. One of you didn’t follow through with changes because of uncertainty about the relationship
You’re not sure if your relationship problems are fixable
You have kids and need to make sure you’ve considered everything before putting them through divorce
You experienced infidelity and want to make sure you each want the relationship before you go through the inevitable pain of the infidelity recovery process
You want to make a thoughtful decision and not one drive by pain or desperation
Don’t let uncertainty hold you back any longer
Schedule a phone consultation for Discernment Counseling in Riverside today
With Discernment Counseling, you can have the support and guidance you need to navigate the difficult decision of whether to stay or go. Our goal is to empower you and your partner to make informed decisions about your future. If you feel this approach to couples therapy can be helpful for you and your partner to decide what next steps to take in your relationship, we invite you to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
Meet Our Team of Discernment Counselors in Riverside CA
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Alexis Johnson, LMFT
Feeling disconnected, stuck in repeated patterns, or unsure how to navigate the unique challenges of a blended family or a neurodivergent relationship can be exhausting, especially when you’re not sure you want to or even can save this relationship. I get how hard that is, and I’m here to help you create meaningful change in your relationship so that you actually enjoy your life and your time together as a couple or to separate in a healthy way if this is what you decide is best for you.
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Rebecca Williams LMFT
I’ve been working with couples and families in the Inland Empire for the past 16 years. I know how complicated and messy family life can be when separation isn’t thoughtfully considered or done well. And I’ve also seen how deeply rewarding it is when couples on the brink of divorce decide to work it out, find their way back to each other, and experience deeper love and connection than ever before.
What people are saying about Discernment Counseling at IE Couples Counseling
“We tried online couples counseling before and it was just okay. Our relationship problems got a little better but not fully fixed. Then we got to a point where I was SO done with our relationship. I wanted out. I came to discernment counseling with the plan to tell my partner it was over.
In-person sessions with a therapist who actually specializes in couples AND who knows the discernment process made all the difference. It took about a year of hard work, and we’re happier now than we’ve ever been. I can’t believe I almost gave up on this relationship!”
Former Client (anonymized and used with permission)“I really, really didn’t want to get divorced. I didn’t want to put my kids through what my parents did when they divorced. Discernment Counseling helped me accept what needed to happen. I wasn’t happy. My ex wasn’t happy. And our kids were feeling it. Now that the divorce is over, everyone is better off. I learned that we can do divorce differently than my parents did. This wasn’t the outcome that I wanted, but I’m glad we’re here. The process of divorce was still hard, but Discernment Counseling helped me feel confident this was the right choice even though it was hard.”
Former Client (anonymized and used with permission)
Frequently Asked Questions
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Discernment counseling is a short-term process — typically 1 to 5 sessions — designed specifically for couples where one or both partners are unsure whether they want to stay in the relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy in Riverside, CA, the goal isn't to fix the relationship right away. Instead, it helps each partner gain clarity and confidence about which direction to take: staying as-is, separating, or committing to a focused period of couples therapy.
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That’s what we’re here to help you figure out. Discernment counseling in Riverside is ideal for couples on the brink of separation or divorce, especially when one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other is leaning toward leaving. If you're feeling torn, going back and forth, or unsure whether couples therapy even makes sense yet, discernment counseling can help you get clear before taking a next step.
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In discernment counseling, couples explore three possible paths: (1) keeping the relationship as it currently is, (2) moving toward separation or divorce, or (3) committing to a 6-month period of couples therapy with divorce taken off the table, during which both partners work on themselves and the relationship. The counselor helps each person understand these options more fully — without pushing them toward any one outcome. The goal is to help you feel more confident in your decision and hopeful about the future.
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Discernment counseling is designed to be brief — between 1 and 5 sessions. Each partner only commits to one session at a time, so there's no pressure to sign up for an extended program. The first session is a two-hour appointment that includes both joint time and individual time with the therapist.
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No. And that's actually what makes discernment counseling different. It's specifically designed for situations where partners are not on the same page. One person may be ready to leave while the other wants to fight for the relationship. The process gives each partner individual space to explore their own feelings, contributions to the problems, and hopes for the future.
This page written and reviewed by Rebecca Williams, LMFT
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They are closely related. Discernment counseling is sometimes called separation counseling because it helps couples who are considering separation or divorce think through their decision carefully. At IE Couples Counseling in Riverside, we offer this approach to help couples make a thoughtful, values-based decision rather than one driven purely by pain or confusion. If you decide you want to work on the relationship, we can transition to couples therapy. And if you decide you want to separate, we can transition to separation counseling which will help you each have closure on the relationship and can help lay the foundation for healthy co-parenting when there are children involved.
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Starting couples therapy when one partner isn't committed to the relationship can actually make the therapy harder and less effective. A few discernment counseling sessions first can help both partners get clear on whether they truly want to invest in the work making couples therapy far more likely to succeed if that's the path you choose.
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Yes, in fact, that's exactly who discernment counseling is designed for. You don't need to know what you want going in. The process is meant to help you sort through the confusion, understand the relationship dynamics more clearly, and arrive at a decision you feel good about — whatever that decision turns out to be.
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IE Couples Counseling is located at 3576 Arlington Ave, Suite 303, Riverside, CA 92506. We serve couples throughout the Inland Empire, including Corona, Moreno Valley, Eastvale, Norco, and surrounding areas. Online discernment counseling is also available for couples in California who prefer to meet virtually.
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You can get started by scheduling a free 15-minute phone consultation with our Intake Coordinator. Call us at (951) 430-3011 or visit our website to book online. We'll help you figure out whether discernment counseling or another form of couples therapy in Riverside, CA is the right fit for where you are right now.
Read more about Separation Counseling inRiverside CA
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