Myths about Infidelity

Myths about Infidelity

In this post we’re exploring myths about infidelity. Many of these myths stem from black-and-white thinking. We often like the certainty that this kind of thinking gives us. This is good and that’s bad. It’s cut and dried. The problem is that humans and human relationships are messy and complex. When we ignore this fact, we can get stuck feeling we have few options and being unable to make sense of our lives. Black and white, good or bad, this or that doesn’t work when we’re talking about marriages and people. Let’s look at some of those myths now.

Read More

Why try marriage counseling?

Why try marriage counseling?

I’m writing this post because it’s a commonly searched question. I suspect it may be coming from a place of desperation or confusion. Why should we try this? Will it even help us? We’re going to invest our time and money, will it be worth it?Thinking about the couples I’ve worked with over the years, I came up with a quick list of reasons to answer that question: Why try marriage counseling?

Read More

Perpetual Problems: accommodating your partner's dreams

Perpetual Problems: accommodating your partner's dreams

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.

Read More

Solving problems in your marriage: Compromise

Solving problems in your marriage: Compromise

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some can be worked through using compromise, and some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.

Read More

Bringing up complaints in your relationship: When less is more

Bringing up complaints in your relationship: When less is more

In the exciting, falling in love stage of our relationships, what we want to change in our partners is often furthest from our minds. We’ve got stars in our eyes, we’re wearing rose colored glasses, we’re in the honeymoon stage—pick whichever metaphor works for you. It’s wonderful and fun; I don’t mean to dismiss that. However, the reality of being two complex, dynamic individuals in an intimate relationship with each other over an extended period of time brings conflict. It just does. These conflicts might be personality differences, cultural differences, differences of opinion, habit, or tradition. In very simple terms, you might make a request for change, something along the lines of “this thing isn’t working for me, can we talk about changing it?” This post is about how you bring up complaints in your relationship. Spoiler alert! Less is more.

Read More

The Marriage Counseling Relationship Checkup

The Marriage Counseling Relationship Checkup

Problems have been building in your marriage for a while. You try talking about it and end up fighting. You try again and end up fighting. Maybe you try to change and you try to ask for change, and you’re both still fighting and miserable. So, you gather up your courage and decide to try marriage counseling. You might hope that if you can just get in there for one session the therapist is going to convince your spouse that you have been right all along and amazing changes happen overnight. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that’s not how these things work. You need a relationship checkup.

Read More