Some people rave about their marriage counseling experiences and other seem to shudder with dread at the memory of it. Why the difference? If some people have great experiences and some have terrible, what makes marriage counseling work?

First off, please know that you are not alone. There are many reasons why people have affairs and even more reasons why people want to stay in their marriages. Couples who discovered infidelity and chose to love instead of hate report having a far better marriage and are happier than couples who decided to split after discovering. 

Let me set the scene for you:

I’ve got a couple* sitting on my couch. I like each one of them very much. I’ve spent a few sessions getting to know them and their relationship. They’ve told me about their complaints, their dissatisfaction, their deep disappointment that their partner has changed or isn’t the person they thought they married. One of them is considering divorce. The other doesn’t want divorce but also doesn’t want to keep going on with these fights and this distance between them.