The Role of Emotional Vulnerability in Building Relationship Intimacy - Couples Counseling in Murrieta, California
Most of us long for closeness in our relationships. But when it comes to sharing our emotions, especially the difficult ones, we hesitate. Emotions can feel messy, overwhelming, or risky. Yet, the very thing we often avoid - emotional vulnerability in relationships - may be the doorway to building deeper intimacy with our partner.
As relationship researcher Brené Brown reminds us, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
Why Emotions Matter
Emotions, particularly the tender, uncomfortable ones, are at the core of intimacy.
When we allow ourselves to be seen in our sadness, our fear, our joy, or our longing, we invite our partner to know us more deeply.
And when we make space to truly witness our partner’s emotions, we show them that they are not alone.
Intimacy is cultivated in these moments of being seen and validated.
The Common Trap: Confusing Thoughts with Feelings
Many of us confuse our feelings with our opinions. For example:
“I feel like you don’t care about me when you come home late without telling me.”
This isn’t actually a feeling. It’s an interpretation or judgment. A truer emotional statement might be:
“I feel sad and abandoned when you come home late without telling me.”
See the difference? When we identify the real emotion (versus launching into judgment), our partner can hear us without feeling attacked.
Looking Beneath the Emotion
Within every difficult emotion is often an unmet need.
The emotion might be sadness or worry.
The need might be for connection, safety, or reassurance.
When you name both, your communication becomes clearer and more compassionate.
For example:
“I feel sad and abandoned when you come home late without telling me. It helps me feel safer and more connected when you let me know if you’re running late.”
This simple shift can transform conflict into closeness and ensure your relationship is an emotionally safe space for both of you.
The Power of Witnessing
Emotional sharing is only half of the equation. The other half is how we receive our partner’s emotional vulnerability.
When your partner shares, resist the urge to fix, defend, or minimize. Instead, listen with presence. Sometimes the most healing response you can offer is:
“I hear you.”
“That makes sense.”
“I can understand why you’d feel that way.”
“Tell me more about why you are feeling this way.”
Validation creates safety, and safety creates intimacy.
Emotional Awareness Practices to Try Together
Here are two simple ways to start building emotional intimacy:
Daily Emotion Check-In: Each day, take five minutes to share one emotion you felt during the day and one need you had.
Use the Formula: Practice saying, “I feel ___ when ___. What would help me is ___.
These small practices can open the door to deeper connection over time.
Tips for Learning to Feel Your Emotions
For many people, the hardest part isn’t sharing emotions. It’s feeling them in the first place.
If you’ve learned to push feelings aside or power through them, slowing down to notice them can feel unfamiliar. These are some gentle ways to begin reconnecting with your emotions:
Pause and Check In: A few times a day, pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Notice if it’s in your body. Maybe a tight chest, heavy stomach, restless energy.
Then try to name it as an emotion - like worry, anxiety, sadness, anticipation.
Use a simple feelings list or “feelings wheel” to expand your emotional vocabulary.
Sometimes what feels like “anger” is actually disappointment, fear, or hurt.
Allow Without Judgment: Instead of trying to change or get rid of the feeling, give yourself permission to just notice it. You might silently say, “This is sadness. It’s okay to feel sad.”
Breathe Into It: When emotions feel too big, grounding in your breath can help your nervous system regulate so you can stay present with the feeling.
Feel the emotion in your body, and send deep, slow, and gentle breaths to that area.
Write It Out: Journaling about what you feel and need can give clarity before you bring it to your partner.
The more comfortable you become with your own emotions, the easier it becomes to share them in a way that fosters intimacy.
Grow Closer with Marriage Counseling in California
Sharing emotions can feel vulnerable and even scary, but it is also the most direct path to intimacy. Marriage counseling in Murrieta and marriage counseling in Temecula can help you discover what emotional intimacy looks like in healthy relationships.
When we allow our partner to see the parts of us that are tender and in need, and when we offer the same witnessing in return, we build the kind of trust and connection that makes love truly resilient.
Krista Sabados is a compassionate, insightful therapist who holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from California State University and is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in California. Krista helps couples rebuild connection, deepen intimacy, and create the fulfilling relationships they deserve. She supports partners navigating communication challenges, infidelity, grief, fertility concerns, substance use and recovery, and the unique dynamics of nontraditional relationships. Her integrative approach draws from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Couples (CBT-C), allowing her to tailor each session to the specific needs, strengths, and goals of the couples she works with. Krista brings a special passion for supporting LGBTQ+ partners, ethically non-monogamous relationships, and those facing fertility challenges, and she welcomes the integration of spiritual practices when it aligns with her clients’ values.