Communicating Wants & Needs: Communication Skills for Relationships
Consult a Therapist Series
Many of us were never taught basic communication skills or we lived in families where we saw a lot of what not to do, a lot of bad communication, and not enough good communication skills for relationships. Or maybe you had great examples of how to communicate in relationships and could use a refresher.
Marriage therapists Aliah and Rebecca of Inland Empire Couples Counseling will teach you tips for how to communicate your wants and needs. We'll talk about how to identify your needs, choosing a good time for communication, and then how to be clear and reasonable so that your partner can really hear you and will want to meet your needs.
Communicating Wants & Needs
How to identify your need:
develop self-awareness by asking yourself “what need is not being met?”
be open & vulnerable with yourself
How to pick the proper time:
NOT during an argument/conflict
ask yourself “is my partner in a spot where they can be open to my request?”
Stay away from blame and shame:
do not use “you” statements
use “I” statements
own what you feel
How to make your request:
be open to your partner also making requests during this time
make it a realistic request
be clear & specific
only one need at a time
collaborate on the solution
Was watching this video a homework assignment from your therapist?
Put this skill into practice before your next session. We’ll want to know how it went. If you had great success, we’ll celebrate with you. If implementation was rough, we can help you figure out what went wrong and get you back on track.
