How Do You Manage Feelings of Resentment or Anger After a Divorce? Answers From a Couples Therapist in Riverside, California
You’re divorced, raising children, and figuring out how to co-parent with your ex-partner.
The pain may be fresh — or you may be carrying years of resentment long after the separation. Either way, you are managing two difficult realities at once: your own emotions, and your child’s adjustment to a two-household family.
Divorced parents are faced with a uniquely challenging task: tending to their own grief, betrayal, and anger while creating a safe, healthy co-parenting arrangement for their children. These responsibilities can feel at odds with each other. It often feels like you’re wearing two hats — the protective parent who honors your child’s relationship with their other parent, and the individual still healing from the loss and pain of that same relationship.
You must acknowledge and create space for your difficult emotions — and ensure that your children remain protected from the weight of adult feelings. Even adult children can become overwhelmed by exposure to lingering conflict between their parents. So how do we honor our grief without putting that burden on our kids?
Honoring Your Feelings While Holding Boundaries — Couples Counseling Murrieta CA
Give yourself space to grieve: Write, journal, or talk to a friend or therapist — always out of earshot of your children. Your pain deserves attention, but not in a way that spills onto your kids.
Use time away from your kids as opportunities for self-care. When your children are with their other parent, allow yourself to rest, reconnect with your passions, and tend to your emotional and physical well-being. These windows of time can be healing if approached with intention.
Seek support: Therapy can help you unpack your anger and resentment, which are often tied to unmet needs or unresolved wounds. Who in your community can support you as you work through these feelings?
Don’t force forgiveness or positive feelings: Focus instead on understanding the dynamics that contributed to the conflict — including your own role. What have you learned? What would you do differently in a future relationship?
Try writing a letter to your ex: Say it all! The anger, the sadness, the confusion — then tear it up or burn it. This isn’t about reconciliation; it’s about release.
Shifting from Partner to Co-Parent with Couples Therapy in Riverside, CA
The divorce is final. Your relationship with your ex is no longer intimate — it’s now one of co-parents. These are fundamentally different roles. Co-parenting requires a new communication style and new boundaries. If it helps, think of this like a professional relationship: your shared “project” is your child’s well-being.
Keep communication clear, neutral, and focused: Stick to logistics: schedules, school needs, health updates. Use email or text to minimize emotional intensity if needed.
Don’t rehash the past: The work now is about the present and future — about being the best parenting team you can be, for your children.
Protecting Your Children from Adult Conflict: Online Couples Counseling in California
Check in with your kids about how they’re doing with the new arrangement — but don’t ask them to carry messages, report back about your ex, or play go-between.
Speak positively — or at least neutrally — about your co-parent: Even when it’s hard. Your children deserve the freedom to love both of their parents without guilt or confusion.
With time, intention, and support, you can create a co-parenting relationship that not only honors your own healing but also fosters resilience, security, and love in your children’s lives.
Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, online couples counseling in California, and couples retreats in California
At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. For a deeper experience focused on rejuvenation and reconnection, consider booking one of our couples retreats in California. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
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