Emotional and Psychological Effects of Infidelity on Both Partners in a Relationship . . . And how Couples Counseling in Temecula CA can help!

Why is infidelity or cheating such a big deal for relationships?

There is no doubt that infidelity of any kind is one of the most feared parts of being in relationships. No one likes to talk about the risks we take that come with the choice to be close to others, but we must if we want to manage relationship expectations well. To be close is to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable we need trust and safety. Trust and safety appear to be the main ingredients of a high satisfaction relationship which increases both psychological and emotional distress for anyone reeling from the impacts of infidelity. Infidelity is commonly understood as “cheating”, either sexually or emotionally outside a monogamous relationship without consent, but is not limited to this. Real or imagined breaking of trust, lying, omissions, half-truths, etc…  can all lead to interpretations of infidelity. 

These breaches of trust are common reasons people look for couples counseling in Temecula CA or marriage counseling online. Couples want to get back to feeling close, to rebuilding the trust they used to have. This need for safety and trust is fundamental to our relationship satisfaction.

For those that have been betrayed:

The psychological impacts can be very distressful, sometimes creating such an all consuming distraction that it seems impossible to think about anything else. Imagine this description:

it’s as though you’re in a well lit room, with all the furniture in place, things where you know you’ve left them, pictures on the wall, floor underneath you, comfortable and familiar. Then..out of nowhere, the lights go out, everything in the room gets rearranged and/or broken and the floor falls out from under you.

Disoriented and unable to make sense of where you are, you not only lose your ability to trust others, but you’re unable to trust yourself with what you see right (or don’t see) right in front of you. Terrible, right? Floating there, unfamiliar, scared. 

The emotional impacts are more difficult to identify right away. Most betrayed partners want to find their bearings first, want to understand every detail so as not to be vulnerable to this kind of disorientation again. This unfortunately leads to rehashing the hardest part of infidelities and creates thought spirals and emotional pitfalls that don’t seem to make sense. The emotional distress of wanting comfort and repair from the very person that betrayed you feels impossible to achieve, leading to sadness, despair, loss, grief, fear and of course, anger. Experiencing a firehose of emotions all hitting you at once is par for the course. 

Support from a couples therapist in Temecula CA

Whether in in-person marriage counseling in Temecula CA or online marriage counseling, one of the first things we do with a betrayed partner is help them find their bearings again. We want to help you out of the fog and to get your feet back on solid ground again.

For those that have betrayed another:

The psychological impacts of finding yourself on this side of the coin tends to be marked with surprise, abandonment by social support systems and a combination of regret and relief. Societal pressures to avoid being “wrong” or “bad” put these partners in a penalty box and labeled morally corrupt, which creates the pressure to lie in the first place. Also, few will admit this, but the amount of emotional energy it takes to hide this from a partner is overwhelming and some partners can feel a sense of relief not to need to hold on to this alone any longer. These partners tend to be avoiding their issues somehow in the first place and have trouble managing the long and arduous repair process that is required for a betrayed partner to regain trust. 

The emotional impacts of having betrayed a partner look much more like shame, guilt, and regret for their actions and the impacts of their choices to hide their feelings, needs and desires. These partners have probably been emotionally detached for some time and often feel helpless and hopeless in their quest for validation and connection from their partners. Dealing with social isolation and public shame these partners can often feel isolated, abandoned and depressive. Patience, consistency and self-love/forgiveness are going to be the focus of this partner's process.

Couples counseling in Temecula CA can help you too!

If your partner is insisting that you go to couples therapy in Temecula CA to help heal from the infidelity, you might be thinking that you’ll show up to have the couples therapist side with your partner and heap on more shame and guilt, telling you over and over how wrong you were. This will never happen at Inland Empire Couples Counseling!

We know that you also need help with your isolation, your shame, your guilt. We want to help you figure out how to live your life so that you never again have to be in this isolated place, regretful and cut off from the people you love the most. We will talk about the infidelity but only to help you know yourself better and so that you can rebuild trust with your partner. Never to shame you.

Couples Counseling in Temecula CA can help you and your partner be even stronger than before!

Infidelity can be both the worst and the best thing that can happen to a couple. The issues that have gone ignored for months, years or decades, have been uncovered for good without the option to ignore them any longer. As painful as this is, this tends to be the turning point for change in most relationships. Most couples that land in the therapy room under these circumstances pursue discernment counseling to assist in making a decision to separate or repair. If you decide you want to work on your relationship, our couples counseling services can help you work on rebuilding trust and teach you the skills you need to have safety and trust together again. You may also consider a couples therapy intensive to allow you the space to go deep into your healing together.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, online couples counseling in California, and couples retreats in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. For a deeper experience focused on rejuvenation and reconnection, consider booking one of our couples retreats in California. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.